It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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