dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
