you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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