i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
