so explain again why im purple
no
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
