these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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