Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize