I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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