Whatcha textin bout Willis?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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