my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
