'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
there is glitter all over my balls
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
