I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
