allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
