It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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