No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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