How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
