Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
