Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
