you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize