I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
