I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
