Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Couch. On fire.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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