At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I party with great urgency now.
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