Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
