You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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