It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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