i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
