My liver just broke up with me...
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
