i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
