I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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