Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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