Just fell off a train. Bad.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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