its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
