About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
