i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
