He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
