i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Randomize
