Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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