i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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