Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
