dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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