My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
