I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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