you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
