she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
