After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
