well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
