my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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