all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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