Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
