I bet he comes in French.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
