Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
