My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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