Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize