Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
