I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
