69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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