I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
