what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
