It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
