Screwed.edu
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
