he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
