i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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