remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
