How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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