Sober January is a disaster.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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