Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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